Diary of a Fat Girl in Covid-19 Lockdown

This might seem like a late letter but life has been a little chaotic lately. I write this with the windows open, the sun shining and listening to music with my ice coffee next to me. It has been officially been 31 days since my husband and I chose to go into semi-lockdown and about 25 since the UK has been on official lockdown due to the Coronavirus. 

At the start of March, I had 3 clients, by the middle of March I had none. I’ve celebrated a birthday in lockdown and most likely will celebrate my one-year marriage anniversary in one too. There are some days where I am productive and there are others where I just stare outside my window, and feel like a cloud, just floating. Existing but not sure in what way. 

It took me until this week to not feel like I have let myself and my husband down. That I am working but not being paid for anything is not me letting him down. Instead, I am building on some skills but also desires I’ve had that sat dormant because I did have bills to pay. I’ve been reading and focusing on reaching out to people. Some days I do nothing but watch Disney + or Reality TV. More and more I find myself on TikTok and occasionally, I make one much to my husband’s amusement and support. 

Until recently, I was a digital nomad. At the start of February, I settled in with my spousal visa and a new apartment in Bristol, UK. We started building a life here, ordering couches and beds for our unfurnished apartment. Building roots. I went on Bumble friendship dates. A routine started to emerge. It was feeling like home and after 3 years of living in a suitcase, it felt damn good to have our own space again.

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Our home is slowly coming together 😍

A post shared by Amanda (@amanduhhelen) on

Our first trip since moving to Bristol and we could pack without having to pack our whole life in a suitcase. It was SO exciting! We went to Dublin and spent time with family. I drank Guinness and saw Lewis Capaldi. Then it all changed. We all have different stories to tell and I know mine is just one and might not be that exciting but it’s my story to share.  

I’ll be posting my thoughts and feelings as we navigate through this. Some posts might be long and others might be short. Some might have a story and point whereas others might be just rambles or posts of memes I’ve liked or articles that have helped me deal with the Fatphobia surrounding us even in the middle of a Pandemic. 

If you’d like to share your own version with us, please email me. I’d love to know that I’m not the only one who has turned to writing down their thoughts.

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🌷✨TW: covid-19, fatphobia ✨🌷I guess it was only a matter of time before the big machinery would find some way to use the pandemic as a way to exercise it’s fatphobia. Seemingly because of one small study from China showing that people with high blood pressure, diabetes or weak lungs is at higher risk everyone wants to translates it into equaling fatness. I’m f*cking tired y’all. As if my health anxiety wasn’t enough I now have to read advice on dealing with covid-19 that tells me to lose a few pounds, and let me tell you, even when you know it’s a load of shit your anxiety doesn’t give a f*ck, it will use anything, so now I’m battling my anxiety battling my body. I’m so tired. There is also the very real possibility that fat people will be de prioritized should countries ever be in a position like in Italy where they have to literally choose who gets to live or die. On a less worse scale, fatphobia will most likely have an impact on your treatment by the medical system should you pick up the virus. Fat people, please take care of each other. Fat community is important and fat communities are rare. Your life matters, stay safe and f*ck literally everyone who would dare tell you that you have to alter your body to stay safe. Also if it’s yourself. But be gentle💜 Ps: don’t take care of each other as close as these babes. More like in spirit💜#feministart #fatphobia #fatpositive #fatart #fatcommunity #queerart #healthanxiety #mentalhealthawareness #selfcarefirst #anxietyawareness

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We aren’t alone, even if sometimes it feels like it. If you feel alone, know that I’m here. I might not know you yet, but I didn’t know a lot of people before we introduced ourselves.

I’ll share more in a few days. Until then, stay safe, stay healthy and stay sane.

Xoxo,

Amanda Wilkinson 

PS my email is amanda@whilefat.com if you’d like to get in touch!

*The above was written earlier than posted due to #life so dates might not align with publication date*

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